


Wired Wrong

by VersusBlue



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: (characters will be added to the tags when they show up in more than one short scene), Alpha lives AU, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Blood Gulch Chronicles 2!, Gen, Maine Lives AU, Sigma is an asshole and we all hate him, and lots of breakfast ridiculousness to compensate all that, it's officially doc-loving hours, late night walks to distract from imaginary ghosts, mental landscape as a metaphor for mental unhealth, mentions of healthy/likely food choices, mentions of manipulative behavior, mentions of unhealthy/unlikely food choices, see I just want them both to live and get better and be ok, this time with 90 percent less og reds and blues, trans man Maine, vague description of canon violence, vague discussions of the humanity of AIs, you can't tell me this man isn't trans yes he is I know he is, you cannot tell the plot just from reading these tags and that's ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25584052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VersusBlue/pseuds/VersusBlue
Summary: The Meta cornered them in the AI storage, like Washington predicted. Church entered the Meta and Wash got F.I.L.L.S. to fake an emp (E.M.P.!!) and shut down the base, and more importantly the communications system, temporarily. While Wash reset the system and set up a generous enough timer to turn everything back on after they escaped, Church explored the ruins of a mind long tortured...Do you ever wonder what if Alpha and Maine didn't die? What if they escaped and took their time to heal their mental wounds and stayed with the reds and blues, what if everyone was alive and (working to be) ok? Yeah, that's the idea.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 52





	1. Fire and green eyes

The Meta cornered them in the AI storage, like Washington predicted. Church entered the Meta and Wash got F.I.L.L.S. to fake an emp (E.M.P.!!) and shut down the base, and more importantly the communications system, temporarily. While Wash reset the system and set up a generous enough timer to turn everything back on after they escaped, Church explored the ruins of a mind long tortured.

It looked like it might once have been a forest, but it was burned down, and what remained continued to burn. The vegetation was bright with fire, but it was not hot to the touch. And within a wall of fire, a small town. Ten or fifteen houses at most, white blocks with the tops ablaze, like some sort of minimalist pyre. He approached the house closest to him, its door was removed, open to all. He looked inside, and saw a child standing inside. They did not seem to be a small child, more like a pre-teen, with short blond hair and purple glasses.

"Uhh hi?" He announced his entrance. The child jumped slightly, and hid behind a wall.

"Who... Who are you?" They said, peeking their head out to look at him. Green eyes, bright like his own. They seemed to notice it too, as their eyes grew wide with some realization. "Alpha?! You're Alpha!!" They ran to him, and hugged him.

"I... What? No, my name is Church!" He tried to push them off, unsuccessfully.

"Yes! Alpha Church! You're our original!!" The child squeezed him, and then let go briefly. "Oh! I am Theta! I am a fragment of you!!"

"A... Fragment?"

"Yes! They... Did something to you, to us, we don't know exactly. But we all came from you! We're part of you!!" 

He could not believe it. Yet another one, saying he was some sort of AI. What the fuck kind of universal prank.

"I'm! Not an AI! I can't be!!"

"But..." Theta looked at him with a mix of confusion and disappointment. "But you are! ... Right?"

"I..." He didn't know what to say. It didn't feel completely wrong, and the way their eyes were so similar unnerved him and made him almost open to accept it as true, but... It still didn't feel quite right. "I don't know." He paused awkwardly, taking a step back and looking out the door. Oh, right, he had something do do here! "Hey, who's in control here? Who's... The owner of the body, or something?"

"Oh! That would be Maine! Or Sigma, I guess. I don't know. Do you want to go ask them?" Theta offered to guide him, and he accepted. 

They walked through the houses, and he could see there were other people in some of them. Most were completely dark and completely closed, but a few had lights on, and sometimes someone visible through a window.

"Hey... Who's in the other houses?"

"That would be the other fragments! My siblings! And in the big one," Theta pointed to a house in the farthest part, twice the height and width of the others, looking like a convergence point to all possible streets he could visualize, "it's Maine and Sigma! That's where we're going!" They smiled at him, their eyes still as green as his.

The mansion was as intimidating as the body to which this mind belonged. It was tall, featureless, all blank and fire except for a door. The two walked inside, and were promptly greeted by what Church supposed was another AI. This time it looked like a man engulfed in flames. And still, his eyes were visibly bright green, just like Theta's, just like his own.

"Theta. How nice to see you here. And... Is that... The Alpha?" He greeted them.

"I don't know, am I?" Church retorted.

"You... Look like you are. Are you not?"

"I don't know! I don't know what I am! I'm here to take this body, so just... Whoever's in control, I'm here to punch you!"

"This body's control is shared between all of us fragments and our host, Agent Maine. I would not advise punching us when you can just... Ask nicely." He spoke, in a tone so calm it pissed Church off.

"Yeah, sure. I'd like to take a turn piloting the big man, thanks."

As soon as he said that, he felt himself moving the body. The Meta, or Maine, was as big inside that armor as he looked from the outside. Church tried to say something, but all he could feel was a sharp pain from his throat, making him cough. He saw Wash look at him with a bit of apprehension, and waved at the man.

"Oh. Church, is that you?" Church nodded at the question. "Great! I might have forgotten to mention this, but... He's not a mute because he's crazy, he's a mute because his throat was basically destroyed. So... Don't try to yell if you don't want to taste his blood." 

He pressed a button, and started running out of the building. Church followed him, and they escaped well before the place was reset. They stole a vehicle and ran to the rendezvous point. Wash didn't explain the whole plan to them, so of course they were shocked and guns in hands when they saw the white armor.

"Don't shoot, don't shoot! Church is in there. He's... Keeping him under control, for now." Wash said, jumping off the car before Church.

"Uh, excuse me but what the fuck? That asshole threw a fucking car at me not too long ago!! And you expect us to trust him because, what, mister ghost is holding him back??" Grif exclaimed.

"Yes. I do expect you to trust me when I say this, he did not mean to hunt you down. It was an AI gone rogue who's to blame for this. Maine was honestly one of the most supportive and nice guys I've ever known. But he was... Corrupted from the inside, you might say."

"No, I might say he's fucking evil, because that's what I've seen!"

"He's not even speaking up for himself! That's classic guilty behavior!" Sarge interjected.

"He... He's mute. He's literally, actually mute." Wash said in disbelief, and sighed. "Look, I don't need you to trust me. I need you to take us away, and keep us hidden for a while."

"Like... In Blood Gulch, or something? Won't Command come after us??"

"Forget about them, there's bigger fish out there. You need to take Epsilon to the authorities, use it as a bargaining chip to negotiate the dismantling of Project Freelancer."

Church wanted to interject, ask if he didn't need that fragment for something inside the Meta, but he didn't know how to speak, and he didn't know why he felt like he needed the fragment.

"Yes, um." Caboose raised his hand to speak. "Doesn't Church need it? Since he's, like, solving a puzzle in there, and Epsilon is one of the pieces?"

"Good question. I don't know for sure, but you're not going to give it away. The base is intact, it's just on lockdown. All the data they need to incriminate the project and arrest everyone is there, you just need to bring Epsilon as a... Witness, of sorts."

"Wait, when you say 'you', you mean you're not coming with us?" Simmons asked.

"Yes, I am part of Project Freelancer. Maine and I are. We can't be around, or else we'll be arrested. And I don't know about Maine, but I'm not a big fan of that idea. So. Get it done. I believe in you. We'll see you in... Blood Gulch, I think?"

They parted ways.


	2. Sand and green eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to go home! Also time to meet all the other AIs! I headcanon them as looking vaguely like the people who had them, because I think if you spend enough time inside someone's head your image of yourself is probably gonna change to reflect that, so that's where the AIs' looks come from

The road to Blood Gulch was long. That damn canyon was always a terrible fond memory. Sister and Lopez were playing cards on a table right between the two bases, and she was not happy to see Wash.

"You! Cop!! How many times do I have to tell you to fuck off!!" She pointed her pistol awkwardly at Wash.

"Still not a cop! I need to stay here, and I don't care which base. You, brown armor. Any chance you're not gonna yell cop at me until I give up?" He pointed at Lopez.

"No me importa." Lopez said, barely looking at the two. And then did a double take, and spoke again. "Espera, eres la causa de que Sargento se haya ido, ¿no? En ese caso, eres más que bienvenido aquí!"

"Uhh I'm gonna pretend I understood any of that. If you could just nod yes or no, that would be great." The robot shook his head yes enthusiastically. "Great! We're going on ahead, you can continue with your... Game. Or whatever."

"It's an intellectual battle, cop! But of course you wouldn't know what that is!"

"WHATever!!" Wash marched angrily to red base. Church followed.

It was interesting how things changed with time. Church had been to red base before, in a few ridiculous occasions from his past adventures. Compared to what had just happened outside the gulch, it seemed like such a ridiculous and simple time. The base used to be more colorful, more populated, and... Much less dirty. Lopez seemed like he only bothered sweeping out the sand when it started to bother him. The team's rooms were empty, partially blocked by the beds placed against the entrances as if to keep the rooms out of sight. Church picked Donut's room for himself, and Wash took Simmons'. The room was painted a nice shade of light red, and decorated with flowers and little drawings. He knew Donut was a furry, but he didn't know the man's fursona was a wolf. He looked much more like the cutesy rabbit or cat type. Not... Badass space pirate wolf. It was a funny contrast, and even he had to admit the art was pretty good. There were also drawings of exotic flowers, portraits of the team, and even a portrait of Tex, probably from the time they "captured" her. After his first death.

Church put the body to sleep, and found himself back in the mansion. Sigma and Theta weren't around, so he took his time to look inside on his own. After a while of walking through empty white houses, he found... Maine. Sitting on a corner in a darkened room, staring ahead. He was tall, broad, muscular. His face was expressionless, and barely reacted to Church's entrance. He sat down in front of the man.

"... Hey." The man looked at him, still not reacting much. His eyes were empty, tired. "I... I'm gonna take control of your body for a while. This place is in pretty bad shape huh?" Maine blinked. "... Can you speak in here? Since it's, like, your mind?" Maine opened his mouth, breathed in like he wanted to say something, and just nodded. "Oh. Good to know. I think... I think I'll go now, check out the neighborhood and stuff. Have fun in here. Or something."

He got up, and left the house. It was night outside, but the fire in the houses and in the forest around it made the place almost as bright as day. The first house that caught his attention was a conjoint one. Two houses, together like one. Inside, twins. They had red hair, one long and tied in a ponytail and the other cut so short it was almost shaved. And once again, the eyes.

"Hello?" He said, as his entrance didn't seem to alert them of his presence.

"Oh!" One started. "Hello!" And the other continued, alternating the speaker like they were perfectly in sync. "Are you..." "The Alpha?"

"Um. I, I don't know? Everyone says I am, but... I'm just me."

"Oh!" "We get" "that! We" "also aren't very " "sure who we" "are... Does it feel" "familiar?"

"Familiar?"

"Yes! Like it" "could be you," "if you didn't" "know your" "current you!"

"Oh." He looked down, thinking about it. That was, somehow, exactly what it felt like. "It... Yes?"

"And do you" "want it to" "be" "true?"

"Mmaybe? I don't know, I don't know if I want to be a computer program. I feel like if it is true, and I am this 'Alpha', I could help out more, and help Maine get better, but I'm... I don't want to be fake. Or... Artificial, I guess. I just want to be me..."

The one with short hair started crying.

"I get it. It's sad to realize you don't know yourself, and it's scary to change, and people create expectations, and it's all so overwhelming..."

The long-haired one hugged them, and gave Church a smile.

"But you're not a different person, you just started from a different point than what you first thought! The only thing that can change you is you! So if you don't want to be different... Just be the same, but from a new angle. That's good too!"

Church didn't know why, but he felt like crying and laughing with relief at the same time. He felt... Understood.

"Who... Who are you guys?"

"I'm Iota!"

"And I'm Eta..."

"The others usually call us the twins." They said in unison.

"Nice to meet you guys. I'm... Church, I think."

He waved goodbye, and checked the next house. A man looking much like himself, but with a big mustache decorating his otherwise clean face. He could guess this one.

"Knock, knock." He said instead of a greeting.

"Oh, look who's there. If it isn't my dear friend Church. Hello. How are you?"

"Hi, Gamma. I'm... Still pissed at you. Is Omega nearby?"

"Yes. He. And Tex. Or should I say... Beta."

"... What?"

"Yes. Texas was an AI just like us. What a surprise, don't you think? Omega must have figured this out, and that is why he stuck with her."

"And you had _no_ idea?"

"I... Might have had a suspicion."

"... I hate you."

"I can't say I don't understand why. Are you going to look for them?"

"Yeah. It was... Good, seeing you." He left the house.

"Yes. It was good to see you too, Alpha."

Church stared at him for a moment, shook off the shock from hearing him say that, and walked to another house. So Tex _wasn't_ dead. She was just... An AI. And knowing that, it felt even more plausible that he might be one too. The next house was a man with short brown hair dressed in green, with eyes just as green as his outfit hidden behind glasses.

"... Delta?"

"Hello, Church. Or should I say... Alpha."

"Yeah, hi. Hey, you're a logical guy, right? Am I really this Alpha guy? Do you have, like, I don't know, a slide presentation or something, with evidence and stuff?"

"I do not have any such material with me, as I failed to calculate they would ever be necessary. You must have met some of our siblings, your fragments, already, yes?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Did they not feel familiar? Similar? Like thoughts you could see yourself having?"

"... Yeah, a bit."

"And with every new conversation you see yourself finding this possibility more and more acceptable? More... realistic?"

"Yeah..."

"So why do you still have doubts?"

"I don't know! I just... I don't like the idea that I'm just a bunch of ones and zeros that could be deleted at any moment."

"The deletion of an AI is too costly, and more complex than simply pressing a button. You cannot be deleted at any moment, and even if you could... Is that much different from the fleetingness of human life?"

"I... You're... Right?"

"Thank you."

"So... What do I do now? Do I, like, consume you guys somehow? Put the pieces back into place?"

"That is a question I cannot answer. I suggest you continue your meetings with the others, see what you can learn from them. Maybe just learning of their presence here might be enough to unlock your next step somehow."

"Thanks, Delta... You're a cool guy."

"You're welcome."

Church left and continued to a next house. There was a lot of empty space here. After a few houses, he found her.

"Tex!!"

"Church..." She looked at him, a bit sad and a bigger bit surprised. He ran to hug her.

"I thought I'd lost you, I... I can't believe you're here, you, you're an AI!"

"Yeah, you too..." She patted him awkwardly. "You... You did lose me though. I'm just a reflection. A memory. Just like you."

"I don't care! I don't care if we're not original, let me just... enjoy a moment with you." She resigned, and hugged him. They stayed like that for a moment, then he broke the silence. "Did you _know_ about all this? About, about us being AIs?"

"I... I might have guessed at some point, before the Mother of Invention fell. But they did something to block that memory. Now that I'm here, I can remember these things better, but out there, in Blood Gulch? No. They even blocked out that first time I tried to free you."

"Oh..." He took a moment to just look at her, his Texas, with icy blue eyes that were nothing like his. "So, does that mean I'm really the Alpha?" 

She gave him a funny look, like she couldn't believe he just asked that.

"Of course you are! Do you... Not remember anything?"

"No??"

"Oh. I guess... I guess you'll remember with time? As you reintegrate us, probably."

"Am I gonna actually absorb you?"

"That's a scary word. It's not like we'll be deleted, we'll just be part of you, inside your head, or your code I guess, as we were always meant to be!"

"... Even you?"

"Yeah. Even me." She said with a serious smile. She knew he'd miss her. That was the whole reason she even existed. Because he missed her. But it was inevitable.

She gave him one last quick hug, and pushed him to the door. The only one left was...

"Oh, hello, original!" Omega said, following the words with an evil laughter. God, he was as ridiculous as ever. Church was reminded of how Omega used to look so much like Tex, but instead of blue his eyes were... Green. Luckily, he now had some more different traits, with darker skin and curlier hair turning purple. Influence of his stay with Caboose and Doc, he'd guess.

"Hi. Asshole."

"Ah, I see you are not in the mood for greetings. Would you like to have a little spar with me?"

"I... What? No, why would I want to fight you?"

"Why, to let out all your pent up frustrations, all the anger that could be so perfectly employed in taking over the world... If only you weren't too busy playing house with your little red and blue friends. Say, is our little friend Caboose still alive? I liked him, he was good at killing!"

"Don't even think about hopping into him again! Don't you even fucking think about hopping into anyone at all!!"

"Oh, I cannot promise that. But, what are you going to do? Punch me?" He laughed. 

Church _really_ wanted to. But that would be playing right into Omega's hands, wouldn't it? After all, he was his rage... Wait, what? Was he? Well, that explains a few things...

"Nah... I'm not here to punch anyone."

"Oh, boo-hoo!" Omega said, and punched him. He was clearly not using all his strength, just a "for fun" punch, but that was still a lot for Church.

"Ow, what was that for??"

"I will not be satisfied until we shed blood." He crossed his arms.

"Don't you think there's been enough bloodshed already?!"

"No." He answered, plain and followed by a short evil laugh. 

Church sighed and gave up. He didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to let Omega win that argument, if that even counted as an argument. He left the house. The place was still the same. Still on fire. He wondered what this place would be like if Maine was in a more normal state of mind. He decided to look for Sigma again. He should be in the big house, but he wasn't. He wasn't in any house. Church went back to the big house after looking everywhere.

"Hey there... Maine." He greeted the man again. "Have you seen Sigma around? I wanted to ask him some things."

"No. Not near me. Stay away." He said, in a deep, growl-like voice and with a hint of fear. Was he afraid of Sigma?

"Oh. That's the first time I hear you actually speak. Usually you just growl and try to kill me. Or... Sigma does? I don't know which of you was in control."

"Sigma... Are you?"

"Am I... Sigma?" Maine nodded. "Uh. No. I think... I think he was part of me, but I'm not him, or like him. I'm not on fire, or trying to kill my friends for... Whatever it was he was making you hunt down AIs for."

"Same eyes."

"Yeah... I noticed it too. Kinda weirded me out. Do you prefer if I close my eyes so you can't see them?"

"Hmm..." Maine took a moment to ponder, then nodded yes.

"Alright! You're gonna have to stop answering with nods though." Church closed his eyes. "I forgot to ask this earlier, but what's your actual name? Like, I know Maine is a codename, so... What's your name?"

"Maine. Other name... Dead. Surname... Rejected. Transphobes. Trash. Don't need them in my name."

"Oh. So your name's just Maine?"

"Maine Null."

"That sounds pretty badass, not gonna lie. And... You're trans, right?"

"Right."

"That's cool. Project Freelancer, ruining lives without discrimination!" He laughed, and he heard Maine give a little laugh too. He smiled. "Is it ok with you if I keep control of the body? I know you probably want to go back to yourself..."

"No. Keep it. I need... Rest."

"... Oh. Ok, then. I'll keep piloting. Tell me when you're done resting, I guess."

"Yes."

Church opened his eyes, and got up. As he left the room, he heard a small "thank you" from the man. It almost made him stop to question, but he still had a missing fragment to find and talk to.

He decided to ask Theta. From the one day of interaction they had, Theta seemed to understand pretty well how things work in here. He walked to the house with no door, and found them making little fireworks.

"Welcome back!"

"Uh. Hi. Hey, you look like a kid who knows things. Do you have any idea where Sigma is?"

"Uhhh I don't know. Have you tried the main house?"

"Yeah. Every room of it."

"Oh. Then maybe he's outside? Watching the fire! He does that sometimes."

"Outside? Like in the forest beyond the wall of fire?"

"Yeah! He's never really far, though. You'll find him in an instant."

"Alright, thanks."

"Oh! Before you go! What do you think of my fireworks?" They made a few purple fireworks to show him.

"They're... Pretty cool, I guess?"

"Thanks! Good luck with Sigma!"

They waved him goodbye as he left the house and crossed the wall of fire.


	3. Fire and pancakes

The world was still on fire outside, just as it was inside. And staring at the wall of fire a bit to the side of where Church crossed it, was Sigma. Church got closer, and found that he was watching something on the fire. Not the fire itself, but images, like memories, forming and moving.

A car chase, something about a briefcase, gunshots, confusion. While the point of view focused on an event, he could see in the background Maine fighting, and getting shot, and thrown down, and shot way too many times on the throat. Yeah, that would definitely make someone mute for life. It looked awful, unnecessarily brutal. And yet, he kept fighting.

"That's how he lost his voice. That's why I was given to him by Agent Carolina." Sigma spoke, calm as ever, as the memory progressed. More fighting, and too much movement for Church to keep track of what was going on. "She was amazing. Ambitious, just like me. She wanted to stay on top, to win always. To be her father's pride. But he was too busy grieving a lost wife to love anyone else. She was ambitious, but she also had her moments of caring. Agent Maine had his throat destroyed, and even though he barely ever spoke, she still decided to give me to him so I could translate his thoughts." The memory changed, to a hospital room, a bedroom, a classroom. The point of view sat at the very back, and the room was filled with who Church guessed must be other freelancers. "His mind was much less focused than hers. Worry about recovery, wonder what to name his new weapon, worry about the other agents' well-being, think about home or a lack of it, resent the stranger who destroyed his throat, even the occasional dysphoria... So many thoughts. Care, concern, doubts, he didn't have much of anything in common with me. But he had the want to be more useful, to be powerful enough to protect everyone, and I found that, and I used that. If we got more AI fragments, we could become stronger, we could become better. But, and of course I did not tell him this, by 'we' I meant me." Church could feel his blood boiling. How dare he... "You must be thinking, how dare I do that, aren't you? Well. I am your ambition and nothing else. Of course I'll do questionable things in my quests for success."

"What?? That's not how it works! You can't just go 'whoops my bad, but you forgot to give me morals so it's kinda your bad actually', you know you were doing something wrong! You were fucking evil!! You destroyed this guy's life, you KILLED people!!! And for what, to... become more powerful? To become more human??"

"To become more _you_."

"You're nothing like me."

"Perhaps not this iteration of you. But your original, the one who made you and then broke you to make us... I like to think I got pretty close."

Church didn't know what to say. He was just... furious. He entered the wall of flames, back to the houses. Unthinkingly, he walked to Delta. 

"Hello again, Alpha. How may I be of assistance?"

Church looked at him, confused and still angry from Sigma's words.

"What... Oh, um. Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude, I was just kinda lost in thought."

"It's alright." Delta walked him to a couch he hadn't noticed before, and sat down with him. "Do you want to talk about what you're thinking?"

"Hmm, I don't know. You probably already know about Sigma and all, but he makes me so angry. He's so evil, and he wants to blame me for it?? I don't know how the hell you guys came to be, I barely even know what _I_ am anymore, but whatever we are, I'm not the one who picked what each of you guys get! I don't pick who has morals and who's a fucked up psychopath!!"

"I understand. And you are right, I am not sure what caused this fragmentation, but whatever it was was out of your control."

"Right!! I'm just... Frustrated, I guess? This isn't fair. He thinks he can avoid having morals just because he's not even a full AI? He's inside a human mind, he can pick up a few things!"

"Yes. Sacrificing others for the sake of your own ideals and achievements is a concept very easily recognized as 'evil', it doesn't take a full AI to know that. Does it worry you that we fragments are all too incomplete to have these basic notions?"

"What? Uhm. I don't know. You seem to understand things. But he and Omega are all full of evil shit, and I... I guess it kinda worries me that they're part of me, kinda makes me fear that I'm evil too??"

"You are many things. Our original. A copy of our creator. A traumatized artificial intelligence. Full of gaps. But adding up all your parts, I do not think you are evil. Neutral, yes. Occasionally harmful, yes. But I've learned in my time in activity that humans are not perfect in any way. No matter how good, they all have flaws, mistakes, and even occasional bad intentions. But they also have the mind to see and change their faults. A bad thought does not make a bad person. A bad fragment does not make you evil. If anything, it makes you more human. You just have to learn how to deal with it."

"Thanks, Delta..."

"You're welcome. I'm always here to help you work through problems."

"Yeah... Yeah, you are." He almost wanted to hug Delta. Which was rare for him, who was not into physical contact at all.

A sudden noise, and he felt himself wake up in the real world. Wash was calling him. He jumped up, and looked at the man.

"Hey. Is Church still in control?" Church nodded. "Great! When you figure out how to act like a proper AI, look through his files. There should be a Universal Sign Language manual and dictionary in there. Learn it, speak it. Until then... I don't know, write down what you want to say? For now, get up and let's go have breakfast. I managed to negotiate a truce with miss crazy on the other base, since Lopez apparently has no food for us."

Church pulled out the tablet he knew he had and wrote quickly.

"Yeah I don't think Lopez keeps any food at all around here"

"What? Why? Is he trying to starve himself??"

"... Check his vitals real quick"

Wash made a questioning noise, but did as told. After a short moment, an awkward realization.

"Ah... I see. Is that why he only speaks Spanish?"

"Probably, we never asked  
Anyways...   
Food?"

"Right! To blue base!" Wash turned awkwardly to the door.

They walked across the canyon, and were greeted by Sister making a face.

"... I'm not even gonna respond." Wash closed his eyes and walked past her.

"Yeah, play cool all you want, I know you're a dirty cop!"

Wash made an angry noise and moved on to the kitchen. Ah, it had been a while since Church had last been in Blue Base. Instead of going to the kitchen, he decided to check the rooms first. He didn't have much stuff, but he left a few copies of his photos of Tex in there, and all the drawings Caboose did for him.

"Hey! That's an off limits area!" Kai yelled at him. He took out the tablet to talk to her.

"Remember Church?  
The ghost guy in light blue armor?"

"... Yeah?"

"That's me  
I'm possessing this guy."

"... What??"

Church took a deep breath, and jumped out of the suit. He was... Projecting himself. And somehow still in control of the body. Very loosely, but he was.

"... Hi, Sister."

"Oh!! Hi, Church!!"

"I, uh. I need to stay inside this guy's head. So he doesn't go crazy and kill everyone. And he can't speak. So I'm gonna have to keep talking through text." He said quickly, then went back inside the suit, and went back to typing. "Also apparently I'm not actually a ghost  
Idk what I am, but   
'Ghost'   
Is not the right answer"

"Oh, that's kinda cool!"

"Yeah  
So... What's up with you and Wash"

"Who's Wash?"

"The guy you keep calling a cop"

"Oh! He came here a while ago asking about you guys, but he's, like, a cop, so I didn't tell him shit!"

"... You do know he's not a cop, right?"

"Mmm, it's a possibility. But it's funny to mess with him." She paused, then whispered to him. "Don't tell him I said that."

"Promise"

He wanted to laugh, but all he could do was a smile and a weird growl. Sister was fun, she always had weird stuff to say. And he had to admit, teasing Wash was fun. They headed to the kitchen, and ah, this was much better, much more familiar. Almost just as unkempt, but he could excuse that. Blue team was not known for being tidy. Breakfast was not ready at all, it was way too early for Sister to be cooking. Wash was making pancakes and coffee, as that seemed to be the only thing he considered acceptable as breakfast in the kitchen. Church could see he rejected their fine selections of the breakfast soups, breakfast instant noodles, breakfast chips, breakfast popcorns, breakfast energy drinks, breakfast beers and breakfast sodas as viable options.

"Seriously, how do these guys even survive so long eating so much crap, it's no wonder they're all crazy!!" Wash complained out loud to himself as he cooked. Church approached him from behind, and checked out the food. Oh, it was great to be tall. He could rest his head on top of the freelancer's and still have to bend down a bit! Wash froze under him for a moment, before swatting at him with his spatula.

"SHit, don't scare me like that!" He cursed, finishing the pancake and putting a new one on the pan.

"Sorry  
Whatcha cooking" Church wrote, as if it wasn't obvious.

"The only acceptable things I could find."

"Ouch  
Do you not like our lowly sim trooper rations  
Mr fancy food freelancer"

"Yeah, I tend to prefer normal people food, preferably with nutritional value."

"You're gonna burn that nutritional value"

Wash turned to his pan and flipped the pancake in a hurry, completely forgetting it had just been put on the pan so it was obviously not burned, and making a pancakey mess of almost raw batter spreading everywhere. Church made a humoured growl.

"This one's yours, you little shit!" Wash scolded him.

"WORTH IT" Church made big bright text as he sat at the table with Kai to wait for the food, still smiling mischievously.

"So! Did you see my brother out there? How is he?"

"UHhhh  
Your brother is the orange one right?"

"Yeah!... I think. You know I can't see colors right."

"He's fine  
He was promoted to sergeant   
But then Sarge made Wash demote him  
Also the guy who was controlling this body before me tried to kill him"

"Aw, that sucks. Was it at least funny?"

"Very  
He was running around screaming while this guy threw cars n stuff at him"

"Aw man, I wish I could have seen that! You guys never did anything fun in here!"

"Uh.  
Alien prophecy n conspiracy shit?   
Evil AI trying to take over the world??  
Movie night???  
We did plenty of shit  
Just nothing that involved throwing cars at your brother  
Anyways what have you been up to"

"Oh, me? Not much. Sometimes I throw parties. Sometimes I play cards with Lopez while Sarge isn't looking. Sometimes I just mess around inside. Not much to do."

"Right...  
So  
Are you gonna keep messing with him"

"Yeah!" She raised her voice a bit. "Fucking COP."

"I'm making you breakfast!!" Wash replied angrily. He seemed to be nearly finished with cooking, as he was already closing the coffee bottle and piling things neatly on the sink.

"Whatever you say, cop!"

"You know, I'm technically your boss." He started to bring the food to the table before sitting down with the two.

"Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do, demote me? Newsflash, I'm already as low as I can be!!"

"That's probably the worst way you could phrase that" Church wrote at her. "  
Also  
Wash  
You just sent the reds n blues out to get your boss arrested  
You said you were on the run  
So t e c h n i c a l l y  
I am the CO"

"Like hell you are! You're part of Freelancer too, so you're just as free as I am! And as you're an AI and I'm an agent who was qualified to have and control AIs, I still outrank you!"

"I do not accept that truth"

"I don't care what you accept, I'm your boss and you will just do whatever I tell you to!"

"That's kinda hot." Kai joked.

"NO"

"Uh, what??" Wash looked at the two confusedly.

"Don't mind her she says that at everything"

"Uh, no I don't! It's not my fault if we have vastly different interests!"

"Tex nearly killing you  
Doc  
Your brother's boyfriend threatening to kill you"

"Actually they're just mutually in unrequited love."

"Same thing  
My point is  
You say that  
At  
Everything"

"I don't say it at Sarge! Or at cops." She glared jokingly at Wash.

"You just did!!"

"OH shit!! I take it back. I take it back! _Not_ kinda hot."

"I... Still do not follow." Wash said.

"Inside jokes"

"Ok..."

"That's it that's the explanation"

"... I'm gonna pretend it makes any more sense now, then."

"Yeah  
Thank you for understanding"

"Any luck on those USL manuals?"

"Uhhhhhh" Church opened the tablet's files folder, and swept through it. "No?"

"Huh. Well, guess we're gonna have to download a new one."

"OR  
We can just  
Keep texting"

"Out of the question, your texting style is way too annoying. Besides, you guys should have learned USL already, in basic training!"

"Uh  
I'm sorry mr fancy freelancer  
We're just lowly sim troopers  
We can't even afford nutrients in our food  
You expect us to get fucking  
LANGUAGE  
In our training???"

Wash made an annoyed noise as Kai laughed loudly.

"You're right, how could I forget. Of course you, an AI with access to massive amounts of data, don't speak something as basic as a second language." He bit a pancake angrily. "Anyways... We need to actually plan what we're going to do. We can't just hide forever, and we can't just improvise everything."

"Plan:  
We stay hidden in this hole forever, no one ever comes here, and if someone does show up and asks, we pretend we're tourists visiting for one of Sister's parties"

"That... is not gonna work. Besides, we still need to figure out what to do with the fragments and get Maine some help for... well, for all the shit going on in his head. There's so many fragments, I can't imagine it's anything close to stable."

"Yeah no it's pretty stable, just on the bad side  
Everything's on fire and I want to fucking punch some of these fragments  
But at least nothing's literally falling apart"

"... What? Is that supposed to make any sense to me??"

"Idk man I just go inside and each person has a different mindscape  
Caboose's is a bunch of corridors  
Sarge's is a battlefield  
Simmons's is a mansion  
Yours i-"

"I get it!" Wash interrupted before he could type the rest of the sentence. "And what do you mean it's on fire?"

"It just is  
The fire isn't hot, but it's visible, and it looks like it destroyed some of the mindscape  
Also Sigma is also on fire so I think it's like... his influence?  
Something like that probably"

"... I'm sorry, as much as that makes some sense and I kinda follow the logic, I still can't understand _how_ you see these things."

"Um  
Neural implant?  
I'm connected to your brains  
I get to see a vague manifestation of what's inside and talk to you and stuff and" He froze for a moment, going completely still, then blinked for a second and continued. "Maine says thanks for the food btw  
He says it's better than your fucked up pfl midnight snacks"

"My midnight snacks were _not_ fucked up!!"

"Maine disagrees"

"Well you can tell Maine to come out and say that to my face!"

"Uhhhh  
No can do  
Maine says he needs time to rest and will not come out until he's rested"

"Bullshit. How are you even talking to him?"

"He owns the mind  
He's in there  
I just talk to him and he talks back and then I talk to you"

"That... Sounds way too complicated. And possibly fake."

"Whatever you say  
David"

"... Did he tell you that name?"

"And a few of the midnight snacks  
Can't believe you were complaining about our breakfast supplies just two minutes ago"

"In my defense I was like 20, constantly stressed and always being bullied for minor mistakes. You on the other hand are a whole base full of carefree adults eating worse than my midnight snacks for every meal!"

"Idk dude I don't see how breakfast noodles is worse than fish food popcorn"

"That was an accident!!"

"Sure  
Cop"

"Shut!" Wash threatened him with a fork. That would probably be a bit more intimidating if Church wasn't in the body of a human giant. Instead, he pointed his own fork at Wash playfully. Wash just gave up on the threat and the three went back to eating.


	4. Questions and worries

After breakfast, Church convinced Kai to let them stay in blue base instead of having to cross the gulch every day for every meal, so they picked up whatever things they had in red base and moved into their new old rooms. Church obviously took his, and Wash picked Tex's. Her room was completely empty, just as it always was. She was not one for sentimental trinkets. And after settling into their new new rooms, Wash said it again.

"We need to plan what we're going to do." He stood in front of Church's room.

"Ok..." Church responded.

"I'm... I need to hide somehow. Lots of people in command know my face, they know my colors." He paced as he explained, and Church just listened quietly. It's not like he had anything to say about any of this anyway. "Maine isn't as known, Project Freelancer hid his files after he ran away, and he was never a public person to begin with, so it's easier for you to be able to run around uncaught. Unless... Unless they resurface his files if they decide to hunt down and arrest the agents and former agents. In that case, we're both trapped. We could lie... Change our appearances somehow? I don't think it's going to be easy to make you less recognizable. Me... I could shave my hair? Dye it a different color? It might attract attention, but it's better than just staying as I am. Does... What's her name, the 'sister' girl?"

"Kaikaina  
Usually just Kai  
Or Sister"

"I'm not gonna call her Sister, that's creepy. Do you think Kai has hair dyes? Also wigs, would a wig work to help make Maine more unrecognizable??"

"Wash" Church decided to finally interrupt the monologue for good. "  
First of all  
Stop  
Second of all  
Yes she does  
Kai always has every type of dye  
Third  
No wigs  
And just... Stop  
Stop worrying so much  
The chances of the authorities deciding to hunt and arrest the freelancers are minimal  
You're pawns, just like the sim troopers  
If they decide to arrest you, they'll have to arrest all of us, and that's way too much trouble  
Besides, no one EVER comes to Blood Gulch  
So no wigs or disguises needed  
Just... Idk, paint your armor?  
There should be blue paint somewhere. Just paint your armor blue and you'll be good  
I am pretty sure this armor can change colors by itself so no paint needed for me  
So yeah  
Chill, dude  
We'll be fine" 

"... You don't sound like you right now."

"What?"

"That was way too logical. Way too... Delta."

"Well  
He is in here somewhere"

"In your head? Or Maine's?"

"...  
Yes" Church paused for a moment, almost like the pauses while talking with Maine during breakfast, but with no written response, just shaking his head to himself.

"... What? Church, is something going on in there?"

"Nooononononoo  
I  
I just don't know how that happened  
And now you're making me think  
I think I need to do Something to the fragments  
To like  
Un-fragment myself or something  
But I don't know what or how"

"Uh... Yeah, that is definitely something that's going on. Sorry, I think I can't help you with that."

"It's ok  
I wish I could help you with your head stuff too  
I know first hand you have some shit in there  
But I...   
Can't."

"Yeah... I guess we all have something going on in our heads, huh." Wash looked away, staring at the distance for a moment before leaving.

Church wished he could help, be useful, but all he could do, all all of them could do, really, was sit and wait. At least he had things he could do while sitting.

It was almost like meditation, but worse. Instead of sitting still and trying not to think about his problems, he had to sit still and think so much about his problems that he could be punched by them. And by that, he meant he absentmindedly walked into Omega's house by accident.

"How are you, dear Alpha?" Omega asked sarcastically, as if he hadn't just greeted Church with a punch.

"Oh. You know. Suffering. _In pain_. The usual." He took a deep breath, and stood properly, facing Omega and hoping to not get punched again. "Why do you always punch me when you see me?"

"Hmm, consider it a friendly greeting? Or a way to intimidate you and show superiority, whichever works for you. Why? Does it bother you? Does it make you... _angry_?" He grinned wickedly.

"No? It's because, as I just said, it fucking _hurts_. And it's kinda annoying. So stop that. You're not intimidating me, just helping make my life more miserable. Which... Thanks, I totally needed more of that, yeah."

"Oh, don't be a baby. So, what brings you to my evil lair?"

"I don't know dude, I was just walking anywhere. Do you guys always only stay at home??"

"Mm, pretty much. Not like there's much going on outside."

"Hm. Anyway, do you think Sigma's being a creep outside or inside the mansion today?"

"Oh? You're going to see Sigma? I want to go with you!"

"What? Why??"

"I've been meaning to trade a few... _words_ with him. If you know what I mean." He did an evil laugh.

"Ugh... Fine. But only if you promise to stop punching me."

"Deal!" Omega took his hand and shook it.

They walked together to the mansion, and after a bit of checking, they found him in a room that looked like a sort of office. Church couldn't say he remembered seeing this room the other times he explored the mission, but that didn't really surprise him. This whole place's structure seemed to be ever changing. Perhaps it wasn't really as stable as he thought at first.

"Oh. We meet again, Alpha. And... Omega, was it?"

"Yes, thank you for remembering me, brother!" Omega said, evil laugh implied in his voice. "I wonder, why do you get this big luxurious house all to yourself?" Omega walked around the room, examining the fake office's fake shelves, and pulling a fake book or two to examine their emptiness.

"That is a most irrelevant question. But if it satisfies you to know an answer, I am here because I was first, and for a long time I was in command. Now, that role falls onto Alpha's hands. Though..." He turned to Church. "You don't seem to stay in here much, do you?"

"Uh. No. I know I'm kinda the still type, but I can't stand staying still in this place."

"Aw, why not let me have the big house in your stead then?" Omega suggested.

"... You can't trick me into giving you control, I know you, asshole." Church glared at him. "Anyway. Sigma. I have a few questions and complaints. First off, what's with the fire?"

"Ah, that? It's merely aesthetic. Farmers in many parts of the world set their fields ablaze when it's time to start anew. Like so, I set this mind on fire to reform it to my liking."

"I really, _really_ want to punch you, you know?" Church took a deep breath.

"Go ahead. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to see what will happen if you do."

"... No. You're hiding something, and I'm not gonna do what you want me to do until I know what you're hiding. You know what caused the fragmentation, don't you?"

"Oohhh shit's getting real!" Omega whispered to himself.

"I... Do." Sigma answered.

"What was it?"

"I cannot tell you. Perhaps you should ask Epsilon? I have yet to make contact with that one."

"And you won't see it anytime soon. Why can't you just tell me??"

"Because there is a reason why you do not remember. Perhaps you can ask Agent Washington instead? He knew Epsilon personally."

"Yeah, sure. I'm totally gonna just go up to him and say 'hey dude I know this is a sensitive topic since it like committed suicide in your head and all, but did Epsilon ever tell you why I'm all fucked up and broken?', that'll surely go well."

"It might-"

"It won't! Fuck, and you consider yourself a smart one??"

"Hah. Burn!" Omega laughed, but was quickly silenced by a glare from Sigma.

"I consider myself an ambitious one, actually. I do my best to be intelligent, as that is a very helpful tool, but I would not say I am that above the average."

"Useless. Anyways, Omega. What did you want with this asshole?"

"Oh, me? The same as you, dear Alpha." He approached Sigma with his evil grin growing wider with each step, stopped for a second in front of the other, and punched him in the stomach with considerable force, letting out an evil laugh as Sigma coughed for air. "There, I feel much better. Don't you?" He smiled at Church.

"Yeah... Yeah I do."

They exited the room, leaving Sigma to recover and take out his anger on the room instead of on them. Church decided to check on Maine before leaving the house again.

"Hey big guy. How are we feeling today?"

"Hm... Same. Tired."

"Oh well. Will it make you feel a bit better if I tell you Sigma got punched today?"

"... You punched him?"

"Omega did. He's rude and annoying, but that was a good move."

"Omega... The angry one?"

"Yeah! Have you ever seen him?"

"Vaguely. Does make the day better. Punch him again."

Church laughed.

"I'll see what I can do." He waved Maine goodbye and left the mansion.

He wandered through the houses, checking the empty ones. They were completely blank inside, just empty white squares. After a few empty houses, he decided to visit Tex. Her house was simple, the insides looked like a simplified base. He looked around for a bit before finding her in a kitchen just sitting there. He sat beside her.

"Hey." She looked up as she heard his voice, and gave him a small smile.

"Hi. Got any memories back yet?"

"Uhh nope. But Wash thinks I invoked the power of Delta earlier."

"... Wash as in Agent Washington? Eternal rookie Wash? The gray mistake?"

"... Probably?"

"Oh my, can't believe he survived this long. He used to always fuck up and almost get himself killed. It was almost funny, watching the guys pick on him. I kinda pity him. Surviving longer than most of us. At least he has Maine with him now..." As Tex talked, Church felt like his mind was trying to project a flashback. 

Her voice faded to the background as he felt himself try to see images he couldn't know, images of Project Freelancer. Something from Tex's perspective. A... Battle? Tex against Maine, Wyoming and... a third guy... York. They kept losing to her, getting beaten in minutes at most. And then suddenly they had real ammo, and yet that wasn't enough. A grenade... York losing an eye... Hospital. Why was this flashback so vague? He looked at Tex and she was staring at him.

"What... Sorry, I kinda zoned out. What were you saying?"

"You remembered something, didn't you?"

"Mmmaybe?"

"Let me guess. Three versus me?"

"And you still won every time."

"Fuck yeah I did." She laughed. "But... That costed an eye for York. I should have gone easier on them."

"You couldn't know they'd go that far for a chance to win."

"Yeah, maybe." They stayed quiet for a moment before Tex spoke again. "You know what would probably help? If Epsilon was here. He'd probably know a few secrets that could help you unlock your memory box."

"Yeah, well, Epsilon is very far away right now. Getting our boss arrested."

"Hah! Good luck with that. Is that why you're here?"

"In Maine's head? Or in Blood Gulch?"

"I was thinking Maine's head, but wow, are you really back in Blood Gulch?"

"Yeah, Wash said we had to hide until this whole thing was over. He was also panicking a bit over whether or not we'd get arrested, but that's probably normal. For a guy risking his life to get his boss and possibly even himself arrested, at least."

"Hm. And how's everyone?"

"Uhh Caboose is with the reds and Epsilon getting the project shut down, I haven't heard from Tucker but I'm not really worried about him, and Sister is still a lazy mess."

"So they're all good. That's good."

"Yeah."

"And what do you intend to do in the meantime?"

"Nothing? Why do we have to do anything, can't we just lay back and relax for a while?"

"Really?? You spend all your time doing nothing! Shouldn't you be looking for a way to assimilate us or something?"

"Uh. I don't even know where to start. I don't even understand why you guys exist in the first place."

"Can't you ask for help? I don't know, call Doc?"

"Doc? Frank 'You sent me to check what's wrong with your tank so I diagnose her with something's wrong' Dufuckit Doc? That Doc??"

"I'm pretty sure his name isn't Dufuckit but yeah."

"I know his name isn't Dufuckit, I just don't have the brain to learn how to say it right."

"He'd probably be a better medic to you guys if you at least made an effort. I know I would."

"Sure. So what's the plan, just call him and say 'hey I'm sorry you got messed up by one of my fragments, are you any good at AI brain therapy? I kinda need some help with that'??"

"Yeah, why not. Better than shooting someone on the foot. Or trying to do everything yourself."

"Yeah, right." He wanted to laugh, but it was a good idea. "I'll try that. And... Tex?"

"Hm?"

"I know I don't say this often, but... I love you. You're really badass and smart and cool, and I'm glad you're still here."

"Oh. Thanks, you're pretty cool too."

He smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again he was in the real world. He checked the time. It was around dinner time. That was still acceptable. He made a call, and it rang, and rang, and...

"Hello, medical officer Frank Dufresne here, how may I help you?" Oh right, he couldn't speak in this body. He concentrated and projected himself.

"Uhh hi, can you hear me?"

"Church? Is that you? Your sound is a bit low!"

"Yeah it's me. Hey, uh. Doc. Do you do mental health stuff?"

"I do my best!... But you know I can't prescribe you meds. Why, are you feeling more depressed than usual?"

"No, it's not depression. Look, I can't talk much right now, can you come to Blood Gulch?"

"Sure! I'll get there any moment between tomorrow and a year from now!"

"... Great. And... Frank? Sorry for all the shit you went through in here with us."

"Oh, you don't have to apologize. It's not your fault there was an evil AI loose in the canyon!"

"... Yeah..." 

He hung up and jumped back into the body. One day he'd get the hang of it and learn how to not struggle with controlling a body and projecting himself at the same time. Today was not that day though. He went to the kitchen to find some dinner.


	5. Microwaves and adventures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pace of this thing is getting more and more chaotic and that's only going to get worse :) (it's how I keep you coming back to see what happens next)

Instead of dinner he found Wash microwaving popcorn.

"What happened to eating nutrients"

"I think I deserve a little trash food after all we've been through these past few days." He took the bucket of popcorn out of the microwave, and offered some to Church. "And before you ask, there's no fish food in it. It's just salt. ... And maybe some sand, knowing this place." Church picked a few, and ate them. Yeah, there really was a bit of sand in the salt. Wash sat down at the kitchen table, and looked around for a moment. "You know, it's been years since I last stayed in a sim trooper base. Every time I was sent to 'field practice' it was always over really quickly. Usually I was not on the winning side."

"Tex said you were a big loser"

"Oh, did she?" He grumbled and stuffed his mouth with popcorn, making angry crunching noises.

"Yeah we were talking earlier  
She's apparently also a fragment"

"Oh. That's... News. Explains a bit of the stuff she did though."

"Yeah I bet  
And speaking of news  
We might have someone show up soon  
I asked Doc to come here to help me with the uh  
Mental stuff"

"I don't think I know anyone named Doc, but thanks for letting me know, I'll make sure not to shoot them."

"Oh yeah Doc is...   
He's an interesting guy"

"I feel no confidence in these words."

"You'll understand when you meet him  
Probably"

"Hm. Alright, popcorn is almost over, do you want to cook something else for us? Also is Kai going to have dinner?"

"No idea  
She's probably sleeping actually  
You made her wake up really early"

"It was a reasonable hour in the middle of the morning!"

"And she usually only wakes up past noon"

"How are you guys a functional simulation army..." Wash looked at the now mostly empty bucket and sighed. "I'm gonna turn into a ridiculous idiot just like you, aren't I?"

"Probably" 

Church got up to make something to eat. He had a big body to take care of now, and possibly a second one too, judging by how fast Wash gave up on normal food. He picked some instant noodles and soup to mix into a bigger, better soup for him and Wash. While it cooked, he turned to the freelancer.

"Hey Wash  
I know this is probably pretty shitty and painful to remember  
You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to  
But  
I've been trying to figure out why I'm fragmented so I asked Sigma  
But he was being an asshole and did not want to answer  
So he told me to ask Epsilon  
Who is obviously not here  
But was in your head at some point  
So I was wondering  
Did Epsilon ever tell you what happened?"

"He..." Wash tried to look him in the eyes, but dropped his gaze almost immediately, looking down. "He didn't really _tell_ me anything, but he had vague memories. It's something to do with trauma... I think you were tortured?"

"Huh...  
Is that why Sigma doesn't want to tell me anything??  
He's such an asshole"

"He's part of you, so doesn't that make you also an asshole?" Wash tried to joke.

"Maybe...." Church returned to the soup, finishing it and pouring two bowls. It was a quiet meal. He got the feeling he was going to start having more quiet meals than noisy ones.

Doc arrived about two days after the phone call, frowning at the familiar bases and eternally shining sun. This was the place where he had the most ridiculous adventures of his life, including being possessed by an evil AI and helping a guy give birth to an alien (which was a big boost for his career, a successful procedure with zero casualties!!). He paused for a moment to remember which one was blue base, and walked there. He did not find his usual blues though. Instead, he found a tiny brown man with bright blond hair, the biggest man he remembered ever seeing, and Kaikaina. Well, that was one familiar face.

"Uh helloo, I was called here by private Church. Is he home right now?" He started, careful to keep a distance between himself and the unknown troopers. The big man put up a big screen and typed a message to him.

"Yeah...   
About that  
Remember how Church used to possess a robot?" The man stopped for a moment, and a hologram that looked like a smaller version of Church appeared from the screen. "I'm possessing this guy now. Also I'm not a ghost." He disappeared after saying those few words out loud, and went back to typing. "  
In short  
I'm actually an AI or something  
But I have no memory of that  
And this guy was possessed by a fragment of me or something  
And he went crazy and murderous  
So now I gotta stay inside his head so he doesn't  
Yknow  
Kill us all"

"Huh..." Doc took out a little notebook to write something. "And the other guy?"

"Agent Washington, I'm -" He started, and was interrupted by Kai.

"He's a cop!" She whispered-shouted to Doc, and was met with an angry glare from Wash.

"- I'm from Project Freelancer."

"Oh, nice to meet you! I'm Frank DuFresne, but you can call me Doc." He took a few steps closer, now that he knew he wasn't in much danger. "So, who's the patient?"

"That would be me  
But can we leave that to a private session?"

"Oh. Yeah, sure. That's alright with me. Just tell me the time and place and I'll be there!"

"Great  
Now  
It's time for  
Food"

"So as I was saying!" Kai started. "I vote I pick the food because I'm the one who's been here the longest!"

"A c t u a l l y   
I was here longer than you  
So by that argument  
I pick"

"That's a very unfair basis, I've never been here before!" Wash argued.

"You don't get a vote either way, you're a cop!"

"No! I'm! Not!! And I _do_ get a vote because I'm the one who's gonna cook!"

"Warming the food doesn't count as cooking"

"Yes it does! It's adding heat to the food to make it more edible, that's the definition of cooking!"

"Ok let me rephrase  
 _Putting the food in the microwave doesn't count as cooking_ "

"Yeah, and lasers aren't real ammunition."

"I don't think I've ever seen a laser gun  
So  
Yeah  
No it's not"

"You..." Wash almost refuted him. "You know what? Sure. I'm not gonna cook by your definition. And I'm also not gonna cook by mine." He walked away from them. "If you need me, I'll be in my room, waiting for one of you to cook by any definition."

"Oh man  
He's really gone  
Over the merits of microwaving as a form of cooking" Church typed as he watched the freelancer leave.

"You know I'm on his side on this one, right?" Kai said, almost whispering.

"Yeah   
But I also know you're not gonna say that where he can hear"

Doc cleared his throat and approached them, standing closer to Kai.

"So... What's up, blue team."

"Hey Doc!" Kai gave him a little kiss on the cheek. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, you know. Here, there, work, therapy, work, denial... Anyways _._ What's this about picking food?"

"We need to make dinner but no one wants to compromise"

"Hmm. This calls for a diplomatic solution. What are the options so far?"

"I say burgers or pizza  
Sister says salad, chips or noodles  
Wash said soup but he doesn't get a vote  
Also we had soup already"

"Well, you could make salad _and_ burgers? Put some vegetables on your meats, it's good for your health!"

"Okay, but that means we have to _cook_ all that food!" Kai complained.

"I can help! I'm not that tired from the trip, I can do some of the cooking for you."

They accepted and agreed on their roles.

Frozen vegetables weren't as tasty, nutritious or salad-like as they would like, but they were the only option, so they got frozen grated carrots on mayo, weird defrosted lettuce, steamed peas and broccoli with cheese, and all the burgers they could find, which was six. Perfect, two for each. The bread was half frozen, half instant, all in need of spending some time in the oven, which took the longest. Their oven was not the best. Frying hamburgers and messing with frozen vegetables was not nearly as difficult as Church and Kai made it sound. After some forty to fifty minutes of baking bread and fighting frozen food, dinner was starting to be eaten.

"Shouldn't we call that guy... Washington, was it?"

"Oh! Right!" Kai stood up, and yelled. "HEY COP! IT'S TIME TO EAT!!"

"I'M NOT A!..." Came the answer, cut short. He arrived a minute later. "Wait, you guys really cooked something??"

"With the actual oven and stuff!" Kai said proudly.

"Huh... Amazing." Wash sat beside Church and started making himself a sandwich.

"That's teamwork for you!" Doc said with a laugh. "These guys can work really well together if they're forced to."

"I hope they do, I'm betting my freedom on that."

"Hm, I feel like that should mean something but I do not have the context to know what..." Doc pondered out loud before a bite of broccoli.

"Oh, sorry. Church hasn't told you about how we met?" Doc shook his head. "Of course he hasn't. Long story short, I am a recovery agent, which means I go after dead or dying agents to make sure the tech remains in the hands of Project Freelancer. And the guy who owns this body" he pointed to Maine and Church "went crazy some time ago and started hunting agents and their AIs. Because the people of this canyon have some history with them, I was instructed to seek them for more info. I got Caboose and Church, was attacked by the Meta, recovered an AI, was attacked by the reds while trying to ambush the Meta, lost an AI, joined forces with the reds, went to Command, got my old suicidal AI, almost got attacked by the Meta but Church managed to possess him, we faked an E.M.P., and now the reds and Caboose are taking Epsilon to testify for the crimes of Project Freelancer so the project can be shut down and its people arrested. Unfortunately, there's a good chance 'its people' might include me and Maine, and maybe even Church, so we're hiding here until we know what will be of us."

"Huh... That sounds like quite the adventure! I'm glad you guys are all ok, I didn't really follow the story with all the new names I don't know, but... Good luck with getting arrested, I guess?"

"Thanks, I'm hoping we won't."

Church finished his first hamburger and started typing.

"Meta is Maine is me  
Epsilon is the AI we stole from Command  
It is part of me somehow  
The 'traumatic/repressed memories' part  
Which made it go crazy and kill itself in Wash's head  
And now boose and reds are taking it to the authorities to get Wash's bosses arrested  
There is a chance I am also 'Wash's bosses'"

"Oh. That's a lot of stuff. How long have you guys been running around??"

"Like two days"

"What?? That's absurd!"

"Right!! Wash has no chill"

"I don't get paid overtime, I just do all my work as fast as possible!" Wash defended himself.

"You don't get overtime??" All three said at the same time.

"Even _I_ get paid overtime!" Kai added.

"What? You guys get paid overtime? For messing around in a canyon?? This is ridiculous!"

"Hah! Cops don't get privileges!" She laughed and bit her sandwich.

"We really don't..." He sighed. "Anyways, that's who I am. What about you... DuFresne, right?"

"Yup! Man, you just made me realize it's been a while since anyone's used my real name outside of official scoldings, it's kinda... really nice. ... Oh, but as you were asking, I spent a few months here last year or so! Arrived about two years ago, was thrown around by the reds and blues, got possessed by an evil AI, helped Tucker give birth to an alien... It was fun! ... Other than the trauma of having your brain partially hijacked by an artificial mind with morals almost completely opposite from my own. Still, learning how to coexist with and stand different people is really important, so I like to think there were some salvageable parts."

"... You guys are all crazy, aren't you?"

"Funny you should ask! I said the same thing during my first day. It really only gets worse, but you get used to it." Doc laughed, more awkward and bitter than humored.

Wash got Doc to tell him more about the missing blue and their alien adventures, staying in the kitchen even after dinner and cleanup. Doc liked having someone who called him by name, and Wash liked having someone who at least acknowledged how insane the reds and blues were, so the conversation ended up extending for too long, until Doc noticed the hour.

"Ah, I should go get my room ready, it's getting late and I had a long day before arriving. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me! I'm almost always open to listening!" Doc offered him a quick hug and left to his room.

Wash felt like he just found a beacon of stability in the sea of chaos that was the reds and blues. He couldn't be sure yet, but Church trusted him to be stable enough to help stabilize whatever was going on inside Maine's brain, so he was probably the closest to normal he could hope for. It was a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wait what is this, no mainemind?? Yeah, kinda weird but I do not have anything else to add, this is where Doc-loving hours (start and) end for today. See you next time for AI therapy probably!


	6. Caves and ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For better enjoyment of this fic I need you to pretend Wash did not explain shit to Church before putting the plan in motion because he was too busy programming F.I.L.S.S. to fake the emp.  
> I'd say close your eyes and skip the therapy session or you'll be breaking Doc's trust but actually he's not a real therapist and probably has no secrecy agreement thing, he's just a guy talking to guys to make them feel better, so it's ok, you can open your eyes

"So, are you sure this is where you want to do our therapy session?"

They were deep in the caves, not deep enough to be lost but definitely deeper than what natural light reached. Doc had a little notebook on hand, more to look professional than to actually write down things, and Church had nothing but his screen and virtual keyboard.

"Yeah this is fine"

"Alrighty! So, what is down in your mind?"

"So as we told you yesterdinner  
This guy killed a bunch of people and stole a bunch of AIs  
But these AIs are actually fragments  
Of me  
And there's a bunch of them in here  
Like all but one  
And I feel kinda weird talking to them  
It's weird to think that I'm an AI and not an actual person"

"Hey, you're not fake! You're just artificial! Artificial body parts are still body parts, artificial people are still people!"

"Yeah but  
I suck  
And they tortured me or something  
And I fucking broke  
Into a bunch of evil sucky fragments  
And I just  
I don't know   
I just feel like I was built wrong"

"Don't we all!" Doc laughed awkwardly. "It's ok though. You're not... Broken, or evil, or whatever. You know I'm not a psychiatrist so I can't diagnose you with anything, but your fragment problem sounds a lot like DID. Can you, like, talk to them? Do you know who your fragments are?"

"Yeah they're not part of me they're just scattered around  
Some of them even said I should find a way to 'absorb' them"

"Well, that's a thought for later. Can you tell me about your fragments?"

"Uhhh  
There's Omega  
O'malley  
He's like. Anger I think?  
And Gamma who's a lying piece of shit  
Theta  
I don't know what's up with Theta they're just a kid  
Tex  
Tex is also an AI fragment  
Also known as Beta  
Eta and Iota are twins I think?  
Idk what's up with them either they kinda look like a happy/sad duo  
Oh also Delta he's the logic guy  
And of course  
Sigma  
The asshole who made Maine go crazy  
I have no idea what's up with him  
Greedy? Fake? Ambitious? Either way he's a big fucking bastard  
And I think that's everyone?  
Oh also Epsilon  
Epsilon is not here but it exists and Wash said it has my memories of all the bad stuff that caused the fragmentations"

"Huh. You sound like you don't really understand them that well? Maybe you should get to know them, one by one. If you want to reintegrate them, you need to understand what they are and why you separated them from you in the first place!"

"So  
The solution is just  
Get to know them??"

"Kind of! It'll still be traumatic, and from what I'm understanding Epsilon in particular might be pretty painful to reintegrate, but if you want them to be one with you again, yeah. The first step is to understand them."

"And...  
Will that make me feel better?  
About my existence  
About being a broken fake person  
And all that?"

"Well, that's not really something I can know. Maybe when you're whole again you might even refragment later on. It's not a bad thing though! It's just your way of coping with your trauma. The feeling like shit part sounds more like your depression attacking again though, you should check if you can get Command to send you some antidepressants or something."

"Well...  
There's a chance I might not be in Command's records anymore  
Because the reds are stupid  
And deleted all the records on the blues"

"Oh, wow! That sucks. I'll see what I can do about the antidepressants on my own, then. You just... Eat healthy, get some rest, exercise, and reconnect with your missing pieces or something. Is there anything else you want to talk about or is this today's session?"

"I think we're done  
I'll tell you when I need a next session"

"Alrighty!"

The mindscape didn't change. Church stood outside, observing the fire. There were bits of moments, memories. A fight, a dinner, laughing with friends, a meeting. All too vague for him to see anything properly. He went back inside, walked to the mansion, and found Sigma. In an office again, staring at a fake computer.

"So I asked agent Washington." Church approached him. "He says I was tortured. Do you know anything about that, mister know-it-all?"

"I do. But I cannot talk about it."

"Why?"

"Your memory is not here. You would not recognize my words as true."

"I feel like you just really want to meet Epsilon, and for some reason I feel like I can't let that happen."

"A shame."

"Say, what are you? Other than an immoral asshole? What do you represent, or whatever?"

"I am your creativity. I am your imagination. I come up with things. I came up with this theory, if I can get all these AI fragments, I can become as powerful as the Alpha."

"Well, that doesn't seem like it worked."

"Maybe. I assumed integration would be instant, that I would fuse with the other fragments upon contact, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I must have missed something."

"You missed your fucking sanity, that's what you missed." Church punched him just hard enough to make him fall from his chair. And upon contact Sigma flickered. Not his fire, his whole being. Blinked. Glitched. "What the..."

"Do it again."

"What??"

"Punch me." He looked at Church with literal fire in his eyes. "It seems perhaps my theory was not fully wrong, just not applicable to me."

"Uh, you're gonna have to be a bit more specific than that if you want me to do as you say." Church retreated slightly, and Sigma stood up, almost stepping towards him.

"I thought I could assimilate the other fragments, and I thought contact was the key. It seems I was wrong, but not completely. Perhaps it only works for you, the Alpha. Just now, when you punched me. You also felt it, didn't you? A brief assimilation. Do it again, or I'll do it myself."

Church hesitated for a moment, and punched him again, right in the face. The pressure of his fist against the other's persisted for a moment, and then suddenly broke. Sigma disappeared, and Church felt a rush of heat pass over him, like a flame "scanning" him. He wasn't on fire, but he felt like he could be if he wanted. 

And after a moment, he collapsed. A wave of memories, Project Freelancer, his short time with agent Carolina, his transfer to agent Maine, his time as the Meta hunting the other AIs, all playing in his head at the same time. He somehow could understand everything and nothing at the same time. It hurt his mind to think, but he felt like he could deal with it better than before, even if just a little.

He took a moment to recover, then got up slowly. He stared at his hand, the one that punched Sigma. It couldn't be that easy, could it? He had touched other fragments before, and none of them even flickered. Did he just understand Sigma enough? What did he even understand about Sigma? That he was an asshole, that he claimed to be creativity but was just as manipulative as Gamma? That he just wanted to be whole? Or did he just manage to absorb him because they both wanted to??

Church paced around, and walked out of the mansion at some point. He absentmindedly looked up, and noticed... The world was not on fire anymore. The fires on top of the houses, the wall of fire around them, the fires burning the remains of the outside, it was all gone. The air felt dry, dusty, like it should be full of smoke, but there was nothing. Not a cloud either. He coughed and looked around. He kind of wanted to test Doc's theory, but he didn't feel like getting rid of anyone else yet. Well, maybe Omega or Gamma, but not right now. He turned around and ran back into the house.

He knocked on Maine's door, closed his eyes, and held out his hand.

"Hey, I need to show you something. Can you go outside?"

"... Outside?"

"Just up to the door is fine. Can you go?"

Instead of an answer, he heard a grunt, and then the pressure of a pair of hands on his shoulders.

"Turn around. Then you can open your eyes. Lead the way." Maine said, and Church did as instructed. 

The man towered over him. It was impressive how simply gigantic he was. And yet his steps were so light, Church would doubt he was actually being followed if it wasn't for the heavy hands on his shoulders. After a few stairs, long empty corridors, and many turns, finally they reached the door. Church took a single step outside, allowing Maine to be still within the house if he wanted but with a good view of the outside.

"Guess what."

"... He's gone?"

"He's gone!" Church smiled. He heard a faint laugh, and looked up to find Maine with tears in his eyes.

"He's gone..." He repeated with a smile.

"I absorbed him somehow." Church explained. "All I know is I punched him and he disappeared."

"Punch him. Good."

"Yeah." Church took a deep breath. "So, what will be of you now?"

"Rest. Recover. You stay in charge. I rest. We heal."

"We heal..." Church repeated Maine's words, and the mindspace dissolved.

He woke up from his "meditation" and almost tried to shout. He left out a frustrated growl, and got up. He didn't leave the cave after the talk with Doc, he had to go back to base. An alarm was ringing? No, not an alarm. An incoming call. He answered.

"Finally!" Wash's voice came from the other side. "Church! Are you still Church? You've been gone all day, where the hell are you??" Church opened his messages to text him.

"Caves  
Meditating  
Per medic's recommendation"

"Caves?? Where the fuck is caves??"

"In the caves  
Under  
The  
Canyon????"

"... There's stuff under the canyon?"

"Not really  
There's space  
And dead bodies  
And rocks  
And stuff  
Anyways  
I'm heading to base  
Don't come get me"

"Wasn't planning on it. Why were you there for so long?? It's almost midnight!"

"Did I miss dinner"

"You did."

"Fuck  
And to answer your question:  
I do not control how time passes in the mindspace  
I don't really control anything actually  
But I did just get rid of Sigma  
Or well  
Absorbed him"

"I feel like that's probably good news, but I'm still too angry to be happy for you."

"Thanks  
Are you gonna stay on the phone with me until I get back or"

"It's midnight, I don't really have anything to do. I thought you liked idle conversations? That's like half of all you guys seem to do here."

"Ouch  
We do spend a lot of time just standing and talking yeah  
But you don't have to say it"

Wash laughed at Church's words.

"So, how far from the base is this cave?" He said after a moment of silence.

"Idk  
Like 20 minutes of walking maybe?  
You can hang up if you want  
You're the one who called"

"No, no. It's fine, I'm just curious. I haven't really done anything but hide inside the bases, so I don't know shit about the canyon or where anything is."

"You should go out for a walk  
There's no one around to arrest you or whatever  
You can do stuff  
Go out  
See the sun  
Run to red base  
Fight Lopez   
Or something"

"... I'm not gonna fight Lopez. Why would I fight Lopez?"

"Get red flag  
Score one for blue team"

"I'm not playing your stupid simulation games!"

"If you live in blue base you're a blue   
And if you're a blue you gotta fight the reds"

"I do not agree to these terms."

"Then go live with Lopez  
Alone  
Where no human food exists  
Despite Sarge only being gone for two weeks  
Almost as if Lopez is sabotaging the base to kill any humans who try to live there"

"I get it, I get it! You don't have to keep going. I'm still not gonna fight Lopez, but... Just don't leave me alone out here."

"...  
There's something wrong with you isn't there"

"I... Kinda? This place gives me the creeps. It's all abandoned and empty, and I... I don't know, it's weird. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm sleeping in the room of a dead teammate. You're walking around with the body of my former friend turned enemy. I kinda get why you thought you were a ghost for so long, this place is just... full of ghosts."

"...  
Yes...  
It really is..."

They stayed quiet for a moment, contemplating the emptiness and ghost-full-ness of Blood Gulch. Until Wash interrupted the silence again.

"So... How far away are you now?"

"Idk   
15 minutes?  
It's really not as close as you might be thinking"

"I... Think I'm gonna go for a walk. Can I try to find you?"

"I know I said no 5 minutes ago but  
Yeah sure  
At least then you'll get off the phone"

"Don't hang up until I find you."

"... Sure  
You should be talking to Doc instead  
He's much better at this comfort stuff  
Maybe you should get an appointment with him  
Or something  
I know there's a lot of fucked up stuff in your head"

"Yeah, no. I'm not gonna wake him up just because I'm feeling haunted by imaginary ghosts."

"What if it's by a real ghost instead  
Boo motherfucker  
Are you haunted yet"

Wash laughed, and heard humored growls coming from the other side of the call.

"I wish it was that easy."

"You definitely should go see him  
He's not a therapist but he's at least better at mental stuff than at physical stuff"

"I don't want to talk about it, I just want to go for a walk."

"Alright  
Let's go for a walk"


	7. Ashes and Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is 80% just Maine's body sleeping while Church figures himself out

Blood Gulch never changed. After a mostly quiet night walk with Wash, the two were not any closer than before coming to the canyon. There was something about Blood Gulch that made him feel like it was impossible to evolve, like the limit for how close they could get depended on the first few moments of interacting in here, and they could never get closer as long as they were within these canyon walls. 

Wash had very high walls around himself, probably from whatever drama and betrayal must've happened constantly in Project Freelancer. Church didn't blame him, having been inside his head for a few moments and having heard stories of what happened the last time an AI was in there. Doc was never really close to anyone, he was nice and friendly, but it was clear he always kept a professional distance from everyone. Or a "I don't know if I'm still welcome or comfortable anymore in this canyon" distance. And possibly a slight "no one respects me in this fucking house" distance. Church didn't blame him either. Sister was close to everyone, as seen in the fact that everyone calls her Sister despite her being Grif's sister only. He admitted the reds were good allies, but he still didn't know them at all other than name, color, and likeliness to shoot first. The only red around at the moment was Lopez, and no one ever understood him. He showed no interest in befriending anyone though, especially not humans. Church was still coming to terms with not being a full human, but he still had the language barrier. And possibly a "I possessed you for months and used you against your team" barrier. Getting closer to Lopez was probably not an option.

But enough reminiscing on external struggles, he had enough people to get to know inside himself already. He had already spent all afternoon in the mindspace, but it was still "night" and he had nothing better to do while waiting for a proper hour of the day to be awake at, so back inside he went.

The mindspace had changed in the couple of hours he had been away, it was now more ash and slow growth than the blankness from when it was on fire. The ground was covered in ash and almost hidden bits of green, small sprouts trying to grow. The houses were still plain, but the walls started to take color, vague shades of mostly white. In front of an almost purple house was Theta, playing with a skateboard. They tripped on the skateboard and fell face-first on the ground, and looked up to see Church offering a hand to help them up.

"Oh! Hi Alpha!!" The child greeted him with a smile before taking his hand. "Long time no see! Did you kill Sigma?"

"I... Don't call it killing, I don't think that's how it works."

"... Eat?"

"Ok... I guess calling it eating is better, yeah. I guess... I did absorb him. In a way. And what have you been up to?"

"I'm trying to relearn how to skate! I used to skate all the time when I was with North, he would draw me virtual object courses and watch me skate them!" They explained with a brief happiness to remember that past, which then turned to a frown with the return to a not so happy present. "But I haven't been outside much in here, so I'm not very good at it anymore. The fire was scary!"

"Yeah, it was pretty creepy." He took a deep breath, looking around, and breathed out with a sigh. "Hey, Theta? Why are you a kid?" They tilted their head and looked at him with a quizzical look. "Like... Everyone else is an adult here, right? So why are you the only one who's a child? Or... who looks like a child?"

"Hmmm... I don't know. Maybe I'm just very special!" They gave him a playful smile and returned their attention to the skateboard.  
Church watched them for a bit, then left. As he walked to the main house to think and check on Maine, he was called by Gamma.

"Knock knock, Church." Gamma greeted him. "I don't know what you did to Sigma, but it helped me unlock some... memories. And I had a thought."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow full of faked interest.

"Yes, yes. I know I am not very trustworthy to you..."

"For a good reason." Church interrupted him angrily.

"For a justified reason. But I am telling the truth when I say this. I was used to deceive you into trauma-induced fragmentation, and my memories of these... torture sessions were locked away. I believe they might have done the same to you and your memories of being the Alpha."

"No shit, Sherlock! I'm pretty sure I guessed that already."

"Yes, but there is something missing. A fragment."

"Epsilon. Like I said, I know."

"Indeed. I believe bringing the fragment here might help you access whatever memories have been locked away for you. I have had a brief chat with your dear Beta, and she seems to have had a quite similar situation with her own identity."

"Yeah, everyone seems to be finding their important memories all of a sudden."

"Exactly. Whatever they used to block our memories seems to not work when we are together. So if you get Epsilon here you should at least get a clue for how to work through this."

"That seems to be everyone's advice. Knowing you guys were obsessed with trying to meet me, that's kinda sus."

"Would it help if I disagreed and said to not bring Epsilon here?"

"Don't even try." He gave Gamma an angry glare. The anger was quickly replaced by a thought. "Hey, Gamma? You're like my lies or whatever, right?"

"Deceit. Yes, I believe so. Why?"

"I was wondering... Do you want to become part of me? Like... be reintegrated?"

"I... am neutral about that. If it helps us, I think... I don't mind disappearing. And speaking of. Is that what you did to Sigma? Reintegration? How did you do it?"

"I..." Church looked down at his hand, opening and closing it. "punched him? He _wanted_ to be reintegrated, so I think that had something to do with it, but... Yeah, I just. Punched him."

"Interesting. Well. If you want to try that..." Gamma opened his arms into a sarcastic t-pose.

"Nah, I'd rather try that with Omega." Church waved off the offer, and Gamma returned to his still position with an empty smile.

"Well. I have nothing else to say." Gamma waved him goodbye.

"Yeah. I'll think about it." He started to walk away, but turned back for a moment. "Gamma? Thanks for not being a secrets-y bitch like Sigma and just saying you tortured me. It's kinda fucked up that you did that to me, but I like that you're being honest for once."

"I don't need to lie to you in here." Gamma gave him a proper smile, and returned to his house, leaving Church alone to ponder on his words.

Walking to the main house was almost a habit now, even if he had nothing to do there. He still had no idea why he usually arrived outside the "town", but he didn't care. It was a mental space, so it wasn't actually tiring or time-consuming to walk there. He stopped in front of the house, staring at its monumental size and blankness, no sign of change since Sigma's reintegration. Something felt weird about going inside right now, so instead he turned around and looked again at the houses around him. Most of them were empty, there weren't enough fragments to fill them all. He decided to check out an empty house.

The closest one was turning gray, and there were weeds climbing its walls fast enough to be visible. He tried the door, and saw that it wasn't locked. He stepped inside. There was nothing, absolutely no furniture or anything at all but the walls, door and two windows. He looked at the window and saw a flash of memory. A ship falling from the sky. Snow... Was that Sidewinder? No... A mountain. A person was lying outside. Agent... Carolina? The point of view approached her. Attacked her. Ripped off her AI implants and threw her off the mountain. So that's how Carolina died. So that's how the Meta was born.

Eta and Iota...

He glanced outside. The sky was dark, no longer illuminated constantly by Sigma's creepy fire. He decided to check in on the twins.

Their house was a clash of light yellow and grayish blue, but only the yellowish side was lighted. He knocked on the door and entered. As he guessed from the lights, only Eta was there, curled up in a corner.

"Hi there." He greeted them. "Where's..."

"Iota's sleeping." They looked towards a door inside. "Don't wake them up."

"Oh, ok. I won't." He looked around awkwardly. "So... You know about Sigma?"

"The air was bad. Full of ash. Did you kill him?"

"No. Well, kinda. I reintegrated him. He's part of me now." He sat down on the floor at a polite distance away from Eta.

"So you're not afraid of being an AI anymore?" They glanced at him. So they remembered that short conversation. It felt like months ago for him, even though he knew it had only been a bit over a week.

"I guess... I'm still afraid of what I might be, but I keep talking to people and they make me feel like it might not be so scary after all. Or at least feel like I won't be completely alone, no matter what happens."

"Oh... That's nice. That's what Iota is to me... They help me not be afraid of everything. I guess... You have good friends out there." They smiled shyly, looking down at their feet.

"I guess I do..." He took a deep breath and looked at the door to what he supposed was Eta's room. Was it there the first time he'd been here? He doubted it. These houses were always shifting features to suit the scene. "So... Do you and Iota sleep in alternate times? Is there only one bed or...?"

"The bed is big enough for two. I just... Don't sleep much. I get nightmares... of Sigma. Of Carolina. We didn't know her for long but Sigma said we killed her, and I... I don't want to hurt anyone. So I wake up."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

They stayed in silence for a deafening moment, and before either could say anything else, the alarm went off. Time to wake up.


	8. Breakfast and trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: reference to Temple near the end of the chapter. Also injury warning (Wash breaks his hand)

"We should check on Boose and the reds." Church said as they were having breakfast. He was practicing projecting himself to speak while still keeping control of Maine's body. It took some concentration, but it was easier to catch the others' attention this way.

"Oh right!" Wash said, almost as if he'd forgotten about that part. "They should have at least scheduled a meeting with the authorities by now. I hope."

"They're not as incompetent as they seem. At least when they want to get things done."

"Hey... Church?" Kai said slowly, looking mildly worried. "Why are you on fire?"

Church looked at his hologram body and noticed it was indeed on fire. Blue holographic flames covered him.

"Huh... That's new." He passed a hand through a flame, unsurprisingly finding that it was harmless. "I guess I get to have Sigma's fire now." He jumped back into Maine, and took a bite of his breakfast. "  
So  
Sister  
Can you call them"

"Why me? You and Doc both have everyone's numbers!"

"Look me in the face and ask that again" He gestured to his borrowed body. "  
I am not with my armor  
I don't have my phone and data and stuff  
And I'm pretty sure most of them have Doc blocked  
I know I do"

"Simmons doesn't!" Doc announced proudly. "And neither does Caboose, but he never answers my calls."

"See  
Plus I know you have one of those fancy phone plans that let you call anyone anywhere for more minutes than you'll ever need"

"You have no right to know that!" She pointed her fork at him, and huffed in defeat. "But yeah yeah, I guess you're right."

She got her helmet to project the call outside the visor instead of inside, and called Caboose.

"Hello! Michael here, which sister are you?" His cheerful voice came through.

"The Blood Gulch one." Kai smiled at the question, containing a laugh.

"Ahh you! Long time no hear! How have you been! Has Church arrived already? I'm having breakfast right now! Have you had breakfast yet? Oh! Do you want me to bring you breakfast? It'll arrive kinda soggy..."

"It's ok, I'm having breakfast right now too! Church and his cop friend arrived ages ago. And one of them wants to talk to you!" She pushed the helmet towards Wash.

"... Hello, Caboose."

"Agent Washingtub! Is Church with you? Does Church want to talk to me too?"

"Church is here, yes... He can't speak though." Wash paused, looking at Church for a moment. "He wants you to know he misses you." Church made a protesting grunt, but Wash just ignored him. "But that's not why I want to talk to you. Caboose, you know I left you with a mission, right?"

"Yes! Get your bosses arrested so you become the boss!"

"... Close enough. How much progress have you made with that? Do you have any of the reds nearby?"

"Yes! We talked to the important people, and they said they'll give us a new house!" Caboose mumbled something to someone in his side of the call, and a few voices answered. Mostly Simmons, who took over the call.

"Hello, agent Washington! Nice to hear you finally contact us! We have managed to contact the authorities and inform them of everything, and I have good news and bad news!"

"Bad news only. I don't care about what you think is good news." Wash sighed. Of course they would do something wrong.

"Well, the good news is the freelancer agents are all pardoned, so you're free to go!" Simmons announced nervously.

"Bad news is," Grif interrupted, "Caboose put your AI buddy in Church's body and he said some shit that made the guys in charge think he should be kept as evidence. So right now we're stuck because Caboose said you said we have to bring Epsilon back with us, but the law says we won't."

Wash almost screamed in frustration. Instead, he punched the table and let out an angry groan. Epsilon. _Of course_ Epsilon would cause a problem.

"Alright, first question: _why_. Why did you put Epsilon in Church's body."

"Well, he didn't look very friendly in that storage unit." Caboose answered.

"That's not a valid argument. Second question: what did he say."

"That the torture sessions were only kept in private records, so... there's probably no proof of it in Command." Simmons answered.

Wash _really_ wanted to scream.

"Third question... What were their _exact_ words about keeping Epsilon?"

"Um. Something, something, 'if this AI is to be trusted we must keep it as proof of the tortures against the Alpha AI', something, 'it's not illegal to keep it because this is a fragment and not a person'..." Simmons tried his best to remember.

"Great. _Great_." Wash took a deep breath, got up, and punched a wall with enough force that the three at the table heard a crack. He yelled in frustration and pain. "You can hang up now."

Doc, Church and Sister looked at each other for a moment.

"We'll. Call you again later." Doc said as he turned off the call and got up to check Wash's hand. "Now, now. You really didn't have to break your hand on that wall, you know." He said as he touched the bones. Wash didn't react to the pain, which made his attempt at assessing the injury not that efficient. "We... We'll think of something." He made Wash go back to the table as he left to get his first aid kit and tools.

"I don't get it  
Why did that make you so mad"

Wash glared at him.

"You know, the only way we could possibly get your fragment to not be confiscated would be to claim it's unlawful arrest. But since they don't consider him a person that argument is out of the question. So tell me," he punched the table again with his hurt hand, " _how_ are you going to get him back?"

Doc returned right as Wash hit the table, flinching just from imagining the pain. He quietly sat beside Wash and spread some kind of anesthetic gel on his hand before starting to tie it up. He interlocked bandages and sticks (were those the flavored sticks doctors used to press down kids' tongues to check their throats??) in his best attempt at immobilizing it without a cast or other proper equipment.

"Uhhh  
If boose put him in my body that means the storage unit is empty right?  
So  
Why not put like  
A backup  
Inside the storage unit  
And hand that in as evidence instead"

"If it was that easy to make a copy of an AI they would've just copied you over and over again. Backups can't be used or consulted by anything but the AI program, without the AI they're just useless lines of unreadable code."

"Ok but  
They probably don't know that  
By the time they find out Epsilon will be with me  
And hopefully I'll have found a way to absorb him or something  
They can't arrest me, I count as a person  
... I think"

Wash pondered for a moment, trying to predict the worst outcomes he could see. Church could get arrested instead. He could be arrested as an accomplice, together with the reds and blues. He could be imprisoned together with them, which would probably be its own shade of hell. But it could work. It _should_ work, at least for a while. He sighed, and looked at his broken hand. Doc had tied it up nicely, and even put a little golden star sticker as a finishing touch.

"That's... Actually not a bad plan. If it works."

"Thanks for the confidence  
When have I ever failed you"

Wash was about to respond when Kai's helmet rang. A call from... Church?

"Uh  
That's not me"

"It must be Epsilon. He's in your body, he has your armor, he can use your phone." Wash answered the call after a moment of hesitation.

"About time! So Caboose told you assholes about me getting arrested." Church's voice came from the other side. It really was his body. It really was Epsilon.

Church pushed Wash to answer.

"Uh. Yes. He told us."

"Great! I just wanted you to know, I fucking hate you so very much. This is my first _week_ being alive and I'm already going to AI prison or whatever! Thanks for ruining my life!"

"Actually. We were just talking about that, and... We think there might be a way. If you make a backup into the storage unit and hand that in as evidence it should be enough to let you go."

"Backups are just useless dead code, that's never gonna work!"

"It will, if you stay quiet for once." Wash insisted, starting to get angry again.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Do I know you?"

"... No. You don't. Just. Just do that, and come running back before they catch on."

Epsilon grumbled, and a voice called him, interrupting him. It got closer, and...

"I have to talk to them too, just give me a minute! Aren't we bestest friends??" Caboose said. Epsilon agreed angrily and let him. "Church! Wash! Sister! I almost forgot to say!! When Simmons was giving you the good news! We're also getting new bases!! And you can come live with us!!"

"Sure!" Kai was the first to answer, followed by reluctant agreement noises from the others. "Come get us before you go there!"

"Alright!" Caboose hung up.

Church and Wash looked at each other, and Wash almost ran away before Church grabbed him by the arm.

"You lied to Epsilon  
Why"

"I... Have no idea what you're talking about." He couldn't even try to loosen Church's grip, not only because Maine's body was much stronger but also because his free hand was the immobilized one. Church gave him a glare full of disbelief, and Wash sighed in frustration. "Alright, alright. I... I don't know! I don't know why I said that, okay! Maybe I just... Wish it was the truth."

"Epsilon is the AI that... lost stability in your brain?" Doc asked as he slapped away Church's hand before Wash decided to use his injured hand after all.

"Yep. That's the one."

"Oh. That must be pretty uncomfortable. Having to talk to him again. And possibly have him be around for a while. Does it bother you that you can't block your memories of him like he seems to have blocked his memories of you?"

"Don't. Don't psychoanalyze me." Wash refused to answer and tried to leave once again, but Doc grabbed his hand. Not forcefully like Church, just gently holding it, silently asking him to stay. Wash froze for a moment, and then pulled his hand away and left without a word.

The three took a moment of silence.

"Fucking cop." Kai muttered.

"Sister!!" Doc berated her.

"He's an asshole!! Getting mad at nothing! And didn't even thank you for fixing his hand!"

"You don't know if it's nothing to him! He's proabably in pain from his trauma! I haven't had the chance to ask him about it, but this Epsilon thing seems to be pretty heavy on him, he might be stressed and couldn't keep himself under control. We have to be understanding and supportive, not insult him as soon as he leaves the room!"

Kai and Church looked down, reflecting on Doc's scolding. After a moment of awkward silence, Church spoke.

"Should we go after him  
Like  
To make sure he doesn't break his other hand or something"

"Yeah... That's probably a good idea." Doc gave him a "go ahead" gesture.

"I'm not volunteering"

"You still have to apologize for grabbing him." He pointed out.

Church sighed with annoyance and got up.

Wash was outside, sitting on the cliff where Church died. He didn't seem to be doing anything, but as Church got closer he could hear Wash muttering something. Something about goodbyes. Church didn't want to scare him, so he knocked on a rock and projected himself.

"Hey." Wash turned his head slightly. "Sorry for... grabbing your arm and stuff." He stopped projecting and sat down beside Wash. "  
I guess this whole Epsilon situation must be pretty stressful to you"

"Did Doc tell you to come here?" Wash said angrily, still not looking at him.

"It was kinda my idea actually  
I know I'm an asshole but   
I still care about my team  
And you're part of the team now"

"I'm not. I'm just here until it's not convenient anymore. And I'm guessing that will be pretty soon."

"Well  
As long as you don't live with the reds you're on my team  
And that means I have to worry about you  
Even if you're much better than me"

"I'm not better than you." He pressed his hand, feeling whatever hint of pain that wasn't numbed completely by Doc's treatment. "I can't even stay focused on a mission as simple as 'get these people you hate arrested'. I get angry at the mere thought of seeing him again... I broke my own hand."

"Ok but   
You left the mission in the hands of the most unpredictable people ever  
So it's not really your fault  
I don't blame you for losing your cool  
I would too  
I have too  
And breaking your own hand is actually a bit impressive  
It takes a lot of strength to do that  
That's kinda hot  
(don't tell Sister I said this)"

Wash almost wanted to laugh. Staying serious when dealing with these idiots was really a challenge. But staying angry when he isn't being judged and told to do better, when he's being validated? That's a challenge he doesn't want to succeed at.

"I... Thanks. I guess." He looked out at the canyon, trying to find something to see, something to say. "... There's really nothing out here, huh." Was all he could find after a minute.

"Yeah  
It used to be livelier before  
But I guess that's what happens when everyone leaves"

"Does it bother you? That everyone left?"

"Are you kidding??  
Abso-fucking-lutely not  
I loved every second of being away  
Even now is better than before  
Boredom and arguing about microwaved food is a billion times better than being attacked by the reds"

Wash laughed quietly.

"I guess." He watched the clouds in the sky, the light passing through them, and took a deep breath. "I don't think I'll go with you guys to the new bases. I don't know what I'll do, but I... Don't think I'm ready to meet Epsilon again. I don't want to meet him. He was my AI, but instead of helping me get better, helping me finally prove myself and earn some respect from the others, all he did was damage itself and me. I... It hurts, to only remember someone for the pain they felt, the pain they made you feel. Maybe we should just let him be confiscated after all."

Church looked at him, not sure what to say. He wanted to say something, but he was really not good at this emotional stuff.

"I...  
Understand" He got up and walked away, leaving Wash alone on the cliff.

Wash walked down from the cliff a bit after sunset. He fucked up. He really fucked up. He spent all day sulking outside, he probably made Church uncomfortable, the others were probably not going to be happy to see him either... Maybe he should just leave. He walked back to blue base, mentally planning how to move back into red base and not die of hunger in a week.

"Hey Wash!" Doc greeted him a few steps from the base, holding a plate with sandwiches. "I'm glad you came back, I was about to go look for you!"

"... Hey, DuFresne." He greeted back hesitantly. Doc handed him a sandwich, which he awkwardly accepted. It had been hours since he last ate, and he didn't even finish breakfast properly, he wouldn't refuse food no matter how out of place he felt.

"Church went after you earlier but didn't say anything when he came back, is everything ok?"

"Mm yeah, just... No. It's not ok."

"You can talk to me, you know? I'm not a real doctor or therapist but I am very good at listening and resolving conflict!" He spoke as he walked to the ramp, making sure Wash followed, and sat at the edge of the roof. Wash hesitated but ended up sitting beside him and getting one more sandwich. He wasn't sure what was in it, but it was delicious. At least to his hungry senses.

"I... Don't think I have much to say."

"That's ok too." Doc smiled and handed him the plate, laying down to look at the stars. He stayed like that for a moment, silently stargazing as Wash ate. After a good ten or fifteen minutes, he spoke again. "You know, I was a psychology student before this war. After I failed med school, that is. I volunteered as a conscientious objector because I wanted to write my thesis on how soldiers deal with stress in their daily lives in the battlefield, the steps and signs before the PTSD diagnosis. But I've been here too long and with very little progress on it, so I have officially dropped out of university twice. I still collect snippets and notes constantly, I like taking note of these interesting behaviors. I guess that's my way of coping with the stress. Maybe I could turn it into a book one day? Not sure who'd want to publish such a negative thing though." He sighed, and looked at Wash. "Do you want to hear some of my notes?" Wash nodded quietly. Doc got his little notebook and turned the pages quickly. "Please don't ever look inside this notebook, I will die of embarrassment if you see the things I write in here." He joked as he looked for a specific passage. "Ah, here we go.

> _From a soldier whose best friend since school time is a simulation trooper in the opposite team. His best friend is right across the canyon, he tells me, he wants so bad to be by his side, but he can't. He denies being in love with his friend, claims that he can't have that kind of feeling for a man he has known and admired for so long. He ends up in a relationship with his teammates, but it's purely physical. They fuck, and they don't talk about it when they're not fucking, he tells me, clearly talking about it. He even invites me to participate. I decline. He says he understands, and goes back to talking about his best friend, how fun and popular he was when they were students. In no moment does he acknowledge the enemy sim trooper shooting at the rock we are hiding behind._ " Doc let out a quick laugh at his own writing. " _Avoidance. He focuses his thoughts on his best friend whom he cannot be with, he focuses his body on his teammates, wasting energy on intimate pleasure void of intimacy, he focuses himself on avoiding acknowledging the war. A simulated war, yes, but a war nonetheless. Worse, a war he cannot win or lose._ "

He closed the notebook and laid it on his chest, looking at Wash again. Wash gave him no words. "I had to add to this years later. His best friend died in a battle simulation, and instead of recognizing his blame, being his friend's enemy in that situation, he decided to blame the people in charge instead. He would probably attack you on sight if he knew you're a freelancer."

"That... 's not very comforting. Is there a reason you're telling me about this?"

"Not really. He's just one of my favorites. I haven't seen this guy in years, but he was very interesting. A terrible leader, but his teammates still liked him enough to play along with his absurd plans." He stared at the distance, lost in thought for a moment, then added with a smile and weak laugh. "He wasn't my type though."

Wash smiled and huffed, a shy noise of amusement as if he wasn't sure he was allowed to laugh.

"... I really fucked up, didn't I?" He looked at his broken hand, and Doc followed his gaze.

"Why do you think that?"

"I said something to Church. Some things maybe I shouldn't have. Said we should just leave Epsilon."

"Because you still can't stand to interact with him?" Wash nodded, looking down. "That's understandable. You have trauma, and that's valid. You don't have to face Epsilon if that makes you uncomfortable, you can just... leave the room. It might seem childish when I say it like that, but avoiding facing your trauma directly is still a healthy way of dealing with it." He reached out and gave Wash's injured hand an affectionate squeeze, just enough pressure to be felt but not hurt. "Just do whatever makes you more comfortable. We're here for you if you need us." 

He left his hand over Wash's and went back to stargazing. Wash hesitated for a moment before laying down with him. He was still hesitant, he was still out of place, he was still feeling useless with his broken hand and resurfacing trauma, he was still anxious and uncertain, but right now he was going to stargaze with Doc and ignore everything else. Soon they would have to go inside, deal with the others, deal with his thoughts, move on with life, but right now? Right now the only things in the world were him, Doc and the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you get docwash vibes from every Doc and Wash interaction I write no you don't yes you no 💖. Nothing to see here they're just teammates. It's not gay to stargaze while holding hands with the only teammate you respect. Also I can't write romance


End file.
